I was raised in a household where the males had to sit when they pissed and I never thought anything of it. When I was at a friend's houses- I piss sitting down. Public restrooms- I piss sitting down. In fact, the only time I remember pissing standing up was when I was on a field trip in eleventh grade, I pissed in somebody's lunch box and come to find out my piss evaporated and he also couldn't even smell it!

    Something this great should never be left with you when you're buried six feet under. Hot damn, sitting down when you piss feels so relaxing, you get to sit and let your dick do all the work and your legs will love it- I guarantee you. And if any ladies (say with a Bill Burr caricature) out there are reading this pathetic blog, let me bring you all into something. When males go into a public restroom and take a piss at a urinal they can't stand being next to another dude, unless there is a makeshift wall in between the two of them. It could be an American thing, but something tells me it's universal. 

   Telling my male friends how great pissing down is, you would think they would hop onto it. No, and probably never. Too heterodox? Probably. Insecurity? Maybe? Lack of Masculinity? Most definitely, but I believe the largest portion of this poorly constructed Windows XP pie graph is that most men (and yes, women) lack a minimalist, copacetic, and cleanliness lifestyle (I won't cover minimalism today). Sitting when you piss is not only very cathartic, it is incredibly clean (your walls and floors will thank you...). I clean with vinegar- which already smells terrible, but when I get around a toilet I know that I don't have to deal with my gloves sticking to the floor while I am cleaning.

    And when your mother told you to put up the seat, that didn't do anything but not have piss on your ass and you still got piss on the walls and floor. I don't know how men feel comfortable when they are cleaning the toilet, the floor, and the walls knowing that is indeed their piss and feel and act as if there was absolutely no way of changing this orthodox, chiseled in stone idea. A movement like this needs to gain momentum and have someone like Steve Buscemi and Gary Busey advertising for a cleaner society. Or maybe get a floor mat you can look at when you take a piss sitting down that has Steve Harvey on it, wouldn't that get you excited knowing you can look at him whenever you have to go?! You could even get a Steve Harvey shower curtain to match it.

   Lastly, there is hope. In Germany and Sweden I heard that it is becoming very common for men to sit when they pee. I feel like this will catch on like Veganism in the 40's, however I am still hopeful.